The Future Says Run
by RavenFlyingSolo
Summary: Raven leaves the Titans when she realizes it is nearing the time of the Prophecy. Can the Titans convince her to stay and let them help? Or will Raven have to face her fate on her own?
1. The Future Says Run

_This is my second attempt at fanfiction writing, and this one was totally random. I was sitting at work with nothing to do and thought, "What the hell? I'll write a fanfic," and this was the result. Originally, it was meant as a one-shot, but I was having way too much writing it, so I kept it going forever. I don't know when it will stop, or if it will stop, since I have a bad tendency to not finish any of my stories ever. This was also a great distraction from studying for my exam tomorrow, so good job to me on that one. Otherwise, enjoy the story._

_

* * *

_It was dark, or rather, as dark as any city can be at night. Streetlamps spaced evenly stood like silent soldiers guarding the night, pushing back the darkness intending to make the vulnerable less vulnerable, but in reality only making their paths more apparent to those who would interfere. The cobblestone sidewalk was not especially conducive to a frantic escape; jagged, uneven, and begging to catch a toe and pull a body to the ground.

She followed the cobblestones smoothly, gliding an inch above the ground, as the path wound through the park. Her cape flowed gracefully around her, catching occasionally in a brisk fall wind, and she stayed invisible in the shadows by the path, nearer the trees, with her hood pulled low over her head, hiding her eyes. Sometimes she half-wished she had bony fingers so she could reach for people like the Reaper. Of all people, she desired to do it most to Beast Boy, knowing his maturity level would guarantee a satisfying response.

_Beast Boy_, Raven thought as she floated along and, frowning, shook her head slightly, as if to clear the green boy from her mind. What frustrated her most was that she could rarely erase thoughts of him from her consciousness, especially at times like these when she felt most like she needed a friend.

* * *

_No. No. I won't do it. This is just a vision. I won't let this happen. I won't _help_ this happen_, Raven pleaded over the roar of Hell fire burning through her head. She choked on the smoke, gasping for air. Her clothes were torn by fire, her skin not fairing much better. The runes of Trigon sparkled with fiery honesty, declaring to all she was the demon of the prophecy, speaking the truths she herself had yet to bring herself to explain to those she cared about most. Raven felt weak, close to death, and she knew she was ready. But before she could forever leave this mortal plane, she had to know. 

_Please, don't let this Hell have claimed them, too_.

Trigon would be sleeping on his new throne, gathering his strength. She would be unnoticed, unimportant. Raven remained seated on the hard, cold stone of the old library. Crossing her legs and breathing as deeply as she could, Raven sent forth her soul-self, in the hopes of finding her fellow Titans.

Trigon had attended them personally, and she found what little was left of them.

* * *

Even as she wandered through the park at an odd hour, Raven did not worry about the thugs other women would have been worried about had they been out at the same hour. No simple robber or rapist would be able to successfully attack her, and considering her ominous appearance and feet above the ground, she doubted anyone would think it wise anyway. Instead, Raven felt safer here. No one would question what she was doing; likely no one would notice she was here. Living the life of a superhero was all well and good, but sometimes she longed for something simpler. She longed to have the life of a normal woman, with infinite potential and a fate unknown but malleable. 

Raven spent her life knowing she would bring about terrible things to all those she loved. From the start they had said she was evil. The Azarathians of her home had accepted her as much as any civilization could, had taught her passivism and trained her to separate body and soul. They had also trained her not to feel, to remain stoic, to control her impulses because if she didn't, a city could be leveled in a moment. Her own power scared her.

Had she heeded the warnings? Had she shut down her emotions completely? Again, Raven shook her head to herself, answering her own question. No. She felt strong connections to the four other Titans: Robin, Starfire, Cyborg, and Beast Boy. In her heart, she also knew that should the prophecy be fulfilled, they would suffer the most. Trigon would make sure of it.

She hated herself for knowing them.

She hated herself more for liking them.

She hated herself most for dooming them.

* * *

Beast Boy flew out of bed, his super-sensitive pointy green ears catching a sharp scream echoing through the Tower. _Raven?_ The more awake he became, the more the sound disturbed him._ Raven!_

He leapt from the top bunk bed, and swept through the automatic sensor causing his door to open with a _Swish!_ He ran down the hall, slowing once he approached Raven's door. Without thinking, he punched in the override code on the keypad outside her door, and stepped into the doorway.

Raven was sitting up in bed, sweating profusely, pale, and glowing with red markings that appeared burned into her skin. "Raven?" he choked out timidly, his heart dropping half with fear and half with concern.

Slowly, she raised her eyes to him, all four glowing red eyes. Small, sharp fangs hung over her pale lips, stirring up memories of _Dracula_ movies he had forced Raven to watch thinking it would be funny. His mouth hung open, and he took a step towards her to help, though he had no idea what he'd do.

Four eyes blinked, just once, and faded quickly into two, which squinted shut even as her fangs recoiled and her face scrunched up in agony. Raven grabbed at her head, placing one hand on each side as if she could squeeze the pain away. She let out another strangled cry, before managing to say aloud, "I won't let you!"

Beast Boy had no idea what she was talking about, but he sensed her battle was internal, and knew he could do nothing but wait it out. He stood stone-still near the end of her bed, ready to react at a moment's notice.

Finally, Raven sighed. Her face relaxed, as did her tense muscles. She rested her arms on her knees, and her chin rested in-between. Opening her amethyst eyes, Raven saw Beast Boy for the first time, and flushed. He looked pale, or as pale as a green boy can look.

"Why are you in my room?" She inquired bluntly, her voice flat and a monotone, although she still breathed heavily due to a prolonged lack of air.

Beast Boy snapped out of his temporary trance. "I heard you scream. I was worried. Raven…are you okay?"

He seemed genuine enough. And right now she couldn't muster the strength to send him out angrily. "Yes. Just a nightmare." She hoped that would be enough.

It wasn't. "One hell of a nightmare, Rae."

She remained silent. She hated the nickname, and he knew it. But she could feel that he used it because she was concealing something from him again, and it frustrated him. He invoked it as a sign of friendship and consistency, hoping to remind her that despite what she thought, they were minimally friends. After a moment, he sighed.

"Are you going to be okay? For real?"

She nodded, closing her eyes. His eyes remained trained on her face, watching and waiting, judging if it was okay to leave her alone again. After a few minutes, he decided it was.

"Okay. I'll talk to you in the morning then." With a last look back and a frown, he left Raven, who still had not moved.

She heard the metallic swish of the door as it closed behind him, and mumbled in answer to his question, "None of us will be okay for much longer."

* * *

Raven was running out of park to glide through, and would soon have to make her way through the city streets. Anyone who saw her would think she was a Titan on patrol, keeping the peace. She wasn't concerned about anyone looking for her. She had time to think. 

As much as she loved her friends, she found herself constantly plagued by thoughts of being an outsider to the group. Everyone had so much fun together, and while they enjoyed themselves, she was consistently the bearer of stormy clouds. She longed to be able to express emotions, to tell them how much she loved them and how they had made her feel welcomed, to be able to play a stupid game of Stankball with them and not bring about the apocalypse if her team lost.

Everyone thought she was creepy. The creepy Titan who reads stinky old books and meditates rather than go out and enjoy a day of volleyball at the beach. That was her, alright. Sometimes, during moments when Raven's mood was the lowest, she felt bitterness towards them, jealousy that she could never experience life the way they did. That she would always be fundamentally alone.

Her loneliness sprang from how little the team understood about her. Raven feared most of all that they would find out her heritage, and disown her for it. Zatanna of the Justice League had left a lasting impression of the prejudices of the good guys with her abrupt rejection when Raven had first arrived on Earth. With no one within the Titans able to sense her evil heritage, she had been able to form a team with the ultimate mission of destroying her before she could destroy the world. Only they didn't know that was their mission.

At least not yet.

And when they found out, what would they say? Would she be exiled until the day came to stand and fight against her?

Trying to feel no attachment to them wasn't only to keep her emotions in check, but it was also to defend herself against them when she told them what she was born to do, to make it easier to leave.

* * *

Raven heard three timid knocks on her door. Raising an eyebrow, she neared the door and using her powers, opened it slightly, revealing half her face shrouded by her hood.

Beast Boy stood at her door, smiling awkwardly. "I brought you some herbal tea," he explained, offering a steaming mug to her.

Shocked, Raven kept her face neutral as she looked down to the tea in his hand, and back up to his face, before reaching out and taking it carefully from him. "Thank you." His simple act of kindness had made her feel surprisingly better after the previous night.

In an act equally shocking, Raven backed away from her door, and opened it fully, gesturing for Beast Boy to enter. His face registered surprise at her entreaty, but he stepped inside with minimal hesitation. He stood near the doorway and watched as Raven drifted over to her window, staring out at her view of the bay and the morning sun. The silence lasted long enough to make Beast Boy uncomfortable, but Raven seemed to be thinking. She lifted the tea to her lips and took a sip. _Beast Boy makes a decent cup of herbal tea_, Raven thought impressed. She pulled her hood down but remained facing the window. Finally, Raven broke the silence. "What did you see last night?"

Beast Boy hesitated. Raven sensed his nervousness, and his fear of her. It made her sad. "I need to know," she confessed. "Please tell me."

The green boy shifted and looked at her, before explaining evenly, "I heard you scream from my room. No one else heard that I know of, just me. Sensitive ears and all that. I rushed over to make sure you were alright, and when I opened your door you were sitting up in bed. You were breathing really heavy and looked like you had a nightmare, but then I said your name and when you looked at me you…"

Again, he hesitated. Raven waited patiently, feeling his confusion, his self-doubt, and his concern for fall over her like a wave.

"You had four eyes. And they were red. Also there were red writings or something all over you, and I think you might have had fangs. Oh, and you said something about not letting something happen." He finished in a rush, hoping that maybe speed would make his story seem less crazy.

Raven simply nodded, then closed her eyes and let her head bow slightly.

"I'm not crazy?" Beast Boy questioned half-hopefully, while still hoping a little that he was crazy. Even without knowing what everything meant, he intuited it was bad.

Raven smiled slightly, and shook her head. "No, you're not crazy, Beast Boy." Another silence passed between the two of them. Beast Boy spoke first.

"So what won't you let happen?"

The question caught Raven mildly off-guard. No, not the question, but the bluntness of it. She had known it was coming, but she still didn't know how to answer it. She decided to just be scant with the details.

"Any harm to come to the Titans. I will not allow harm to come to this team, or to this world."

Beast Boy was genuinely puzzled. "Raven, what are you talking about? How would you hurt us?"

"I can't answer that yet, Beast Boy." He looked at her, noticing suddenly the distant look in her eyes, her quiet desperation, her unshakeable determination.

"Raven, what are you going to do?"

* * *

It's never easy to leave those closest to the heart. The Titans had been her home, her friends, her family. It had torn her apart to leave them. Maybe she felt herself a coward for not having the courage (or control, as she had tried to tell herself countless times) to deal with each of them individually. While Raven felt she owed that much to them, she had been unable to bring herself to do it thus far. But she had only been gone for a couple of days.

She still wore her cloak from her time with the Titans, but now it covered her tight-fitting long-sleeve black t-shirt, and jeans. There was a small tear in the right knee, not because she thought it looked cool, but because she had torn it when she'd spotted Robin on the R-Cycle searching for her. She'd dodged into an alley, and snagged her knee on the corner of a rusty dumpster. Her knee had healed quickly, owing to her demon blood.

Where were the Titans now? Had they stopped looking for her yet? No, it had only been a couple of days.

A couple of days. It felt like so much longer to her, an eternity. She missed them. She tried to console herself that it was for the best, to protect them, to save them from her fate. These convictions never dulled the pain—sharpening it instead, freeing anger and bitterness within her soul, crying to be unleashed. Her emotions were running high; she hadn't been able to meditate since she'd left. Raven was worn out, depressed, and doing her damnedest to not wallow in self-pity. _I need to fight, find a way to fight this. There has to be a way; _the hope she clung so desperately to. But now that she was out on her own, flying solo, what would she do? Pretend to live a normal life? Ignore it and hope it went away? Seek knowledge to stop the prophecy? Living a normal life would not fix anything, and looking for knowledge would only put her in danger of Slade finding her again. That was the last thing she needed.

Raven had long ago run out of park to walk through, and was now walking the darkened streets in a bad section of town. Still, she wasn't worried. However, as she passed a dark alley, a hand shot out, wrapping around her mouth. Before she could make a move in defense, an arm wrapped firmly around her arms and waste, yanking her roughly into the shadows.

No one noticed the girl who'd disappeared.

* * *

"I have to leave." She raised her eyes to the skyline, her mind made up, realizing the inevitability of her choice even as she said it.

Beast Boy remained still, his mouth opening wide in shock. He sputtered before finding words, "Raven…no…" was all he could choke out. Tears brimmed on the edge of his eyes; hers remained calm and seemingly without feeling. "Why? Tell me what's going on. Tell the Titans! We can help you with whatever it is. Just, please, don't go. You're our friend, Rae. Let us help."

"There's nothing you can do." Her voice shook imperceptibly. Her head lowered slightly, and she looked more like the goth girl everyone had accused of being than she ever had before. The light caught her lavender tresses and eyes, causing an almost angelic glow to fall around her, if only for a moment, before the sun settled temporarily behind a cloud, shrouding her in a light shadow.

Beast Boy was becoming angry. "Why, Raven? Don't you trust us? What do you think we'll do? There's nothing the Titans can't handle!"

Raven ignored his questions. "The Titans can't handle this." Her spine straightened in response to his outburst.

"How do you know if you won't even tell us what it is?" he shot at her bitterly.

Finally, Raven turned toward him. What he saw would stay with him forever. Tears threatened to spill over, but outwardly she was the same Raven he'd always known. The look in her eyes, the tears…it scared him. If Raven was crying, the world was in deep shit. For a moment he doubted the truth of his protests, wondered if the Titans really could stop anything. His anger softened, and his face fell.

Raven felt the change in him, and sensing her chance, made her escape. "I'm so sorry, Beast Boy. Tell the others I love them. I love you. I'll never forget you. And for all of your sakes, I hope we never meet again."

He took a step toward her to protest, his mouth opening, but before he could come any closer, the empath had pulled her hood up, and with a broad sweep of her cape, disappeared in a flash of black power.

Raven was gone.

* * *

_Okay, that's my chapter one. Questions, comments, reviews--all are more than welcome. I'll e-mail responses to questions, since we're not allowed to answer individually in stories now. Hope to hear from you! Thanks._  



	2. Indiscretions Slowly Turn Into Lies

_Here's chapter two. I really had no plan for this chapter, and kind of made it up as I went. Which is always a good time, if nothing else. I had 42 hits on this story in a day, and only three reviews. I'd like to thank my reviewers so much; your reviews helped me to pump out this chapter. This one is dedicated to the three of you. Thanks so much!_

_In this chapter, I introduced a new character, who I'm probably going to take a ridiculous amount of liberties with, because I've only read "The Terror of Trigon" arch in which she appears, and it doesn't give a whole lot to go on, as far as character goes. Help me out of if you think it seems too far-fetched. _

_ I totally forgot to make the traditional disclaimer in the first chapter, so this one goes for both chapters, and all chapters following this one. I don't own Teen Titans in any way, shape, or form. If I did, I'd have money, and that would be amazing._

_Read on! _

_

* * *

_Raven didn't wish to use her powers in case one of the Titans was nearby to see, and she certainly didn't want a defeated villain reporting to the police that a strange purple-haired girl had used dark energy against him. She may as well hold up a sign saying, "I'm over here, guys! Come get me!" to the Titans. Through all her squirming, her attacker held on. He was obviously strong, and she began to worry who had found her. Lifting a knee up high, she stomped heavily on his foot.

With a grunt of surprise he released her, and she turned and ran deeper into the alley, hoping to lose him by tipping over some garbage cans and the like. But he sidestepped every obstacle. Raven wasn't so lucky, and hit the ground hard after tripping on a black trash bag, nearly invisible in the dark. She groaned, but was up almost immediately.

Seeing his opportunity to get her attention, he called out to her. "Raven! It's me! Stop!"

She stopped immediately, keeping her back to him. She was flushed from the chase, from the moment of fear she'd experienced. Her cowl had fallen down while she fled, and she used her power to pull it back up. Hanging her head slightly, she spoke softly, sadly. "How did you find me?"

"We've been looking for you since you left. Tonight I was on patrol here, and saw you in the park. I was a squirrel."

Raven cursed herself silently. She'd been so lost in her own thoughts she'd never thought to empathically scan her surroundings for anything not consistent with a squirrel. If she truly wanted to vanish, she'd have to be much more careful. But maybe she didn't want to vanish. Not really.

Beast Boy took a few tentative steps in her direction. "Please Raven, we're worried about you. Come back to the Tower with me. Tell us what's wrong." He pleaded with her, wanting nothing more than for things to return to normal.

Raven knew that no matter how much she wished for it, things would never be normal at the Tower again. They would find out, whether she told them or not, of her blood, of her destiny, of her unpredictability, instability, power. They would hate her, they would shun her. This way at least she had control of how and when she left. It was on her terms, not anyone else's. And to a woman clinging desperately to whatever control she can have over her life, it was better than nothing.

"Beast Boy, please, trust me. This is for the best. I will cause you nothing but agony if I stay. I beg of you, let me go. Please don't do this to me."

* * *

With what little savings she'd had, Raven went to the area she figured the Titans were least-likely to look for her. It was a small area on the outskirts of Jump City, where the Titans' reach was less pronounced, and crime considerably higher. It was not a nice neighborhood; neighbors avoided neighbors, not out of anti-sociality but out of necessity. One never knew who was a robber or a thief here. She'd found a small apartment, and had enough to rent it and still keep enough money to live for a while until she found a job. Or until she moved on to something else, whichever came first. 

The apartment was a miserable hole in the wall, nothing compared to the majesty of Titan's Tower. But it had a bed, however rickety; a small, dirty kitchen; and a bathroom that had been cleaned once in its twenty year existence.

_Okay, so it's a fixer-upper_, she thought wryly upon entering. She had teleported quickly to her room in the Tower, knowing as soon as she did so the Titans would get a lock on her signal. She had time only to throw a few of her clothes over her shoulder, and leave again. At least she had clothes, and she was used to a diet of pizza and Chinese because of her life at the Tower. She purchased a few candles, incense, and a pillow, all necessities for her meditation.

Not that it had really helped. Wishful thinking, maybe.

After a thorough cleaning, the small apartment looked considerably better, and Raven had felt somewhat resolved to her new life, even convincing herself every now and then that the quiet was nice.

But in her heart, she yearned for the bickering of Cyborg and Beast Boy over breakfast, Robin venting his frustrations in the gym, and Starfire humming a tune as she cultivated blue fungus in the kitchen.

_Maybe I should get a pet,_ she thought sarcastically. With a wry smile, she had attempted meditation once again.

* * *

His mind screamed, _Please don't do this to _you_? What about the rest of us, Rae? We just want you to come home!_ But something about the look on her face told him not to voice his opinion. She was hurting, and he could see that. What bothered him most was not knowing why, what they had done to cause her to flee, why she didn't trust them to help her. Cyborg and Starfire were as worried as he was, while Robin sulked around the Tower in a mix of depression and anger. It was easier for Robin to focus on his feelings of betrayal and anger than to admit how worried he was about his fellow Titan. He said Raven was to be found at all costs, citing Beast Boy's story of her four glowing eyes. Robin felt she was a danger to herself and others, and what Beast Boy didn't know was that Robin was right. 

There was a soft _thud!_ from behind Raven in the darkness, and she spun around almost instantly, but she wasn't fast enough. She gasped when she felt a sharp sting in her upper arm, and realized idly it was a needle. _Why wasn't Beast Boy helping her?_ She wondered dazedly before she became unable to think through the fog. Her knees caved underneath her, and she felt herself pitch forward. Strong arms caught her in the darkness, saving her from a nasty collision with the pavement. Blackness enveloped her, and she lost consciousness.

* * *

Beast Boy watched Raven's eyes widen, her face set, and her swift turn to face a new attacker. The panic written on her face was what had scared him the most. He saw her slump forward, with little resistance, and a man catch her. Eyes hidden behind a black mask turned toward him, catching his own green eyes. "Good job, Beast Boy. You found her. Now maybe we can get to the bottom of this." 

With a swift motion, the Boy Wonder stooped, keeping his left arm beneath Raven's neck, and gently moved his other arm under her knees, before standing and sweeping her into his arms smoothly. Her head lolled like a sleeping child, her breathing was regular, and she appeared peaceful. Both men knew better, however; when this bird awoke, they'd be lucky to keep their worms.

"What the _hell_ is wrong with you, Robin? What did you do to her?" Beast Boy's anger could no longer be controlled. His stress from Raven's departure was boiling over, and Robin was as good a target as any.

The Boy Wonder eyed his green teammate calmly. Speaking slowly, as if to a child, he tried to calm him. "Relax, Beast Boy. I injected her with thiopental. It'll knock her out for about half an hour, then she'll be good as new. In the meantime, we can get her back to the Tower."

"Dude, you just _drugged_ Raven. Raven. Remember her? One of our teammates? Was it really necessary to drug her?" Oh God, they were both dead when she woke up.

Robin narrowed his eyes. "Considering the story you told me, I'm not sure if it's necessary or not. I didn't want to take any chances. Raven has always been stand-offish, but never rash. Leaving the Titans was rash, and right now I don't know what she might do." He gestured with a movement of his head and eyes to indicate Beast Boy should take Raven. After an awkward transfer of the unconscious girl into Beast Boy's arms, Robin pulled out his communicator. "Cyborg? You there?"

There was a moment of static before the machine man's voice rumbled, "Yeah man, you find her?"

"Yeah. Head over with the T-car. I'm sending you our coordinates now."

"Cool man, be there ASAP. Cyborg, out."

The communication was ended abruptly. Beast Boy looked down at Raven, and wondered idly what she was hiding. Robin's reaction had irked Beast Boy, the steps he was willing to take to find Raven when really she hadn't been in any danger. What if there was more to this than he had thought? What if Raven really was hiding something none of them could fathom? She shifted slightly in his arms, her mouth twitching slightly into a frown.

"Robin, dude, we better hurry the hell up, because she's movin' and if she wakes up we're all gonna die."

* * *

Being a superhero had it's advantages, if nothing else. Fortunately, it was the beginning of the fall semester, and Raven hadn't missed too much class. Needing some kind of plan, she had decided to take courses at the University of Jump City. The decision was also made easier because she knew the dean. The Titans had once foiled an armed bank robbery, saving the dean's life. Afterward, the blonde had begun taking self-defense classes, and Raven had kept in touch with her to an extent that surprised her. 

It seemed random to Dean Lilith Clay that Raven would wish to see her, and wondered in the moments before her meeting what it could possibly be about. Something in her mind nagged that it was not random at all. Raven and Lilith had shared an instant connection after the robbery, despite Lilith's inability to read Raven's well-guarded mind Lilith can often see the future in short bursts of surprising clarity, just by looking at someone. Her ablity was not trained, and she had limited control over it, but it irked her that as interested as she was in Raven, she could get nothing. It was as if the girl had no future.

"Dean Clay? There's a Rachel Roth here to see you." Lilith recognized the alias from her earlier phone conversation with Raven, and didn't hesitate to instruct her secretary Jean to send Raven in.

The door opened, and a somewhat ragged looking black-haired girl entered the office. Violet eyes met Lilith's face, and found questions written all over it.

* * *

The four Titans gathered around a sleeping Raven. Cyborg had arrived in the T-car, and Beast Boy had sat in the back seat making sure she was comfortable. Now she was in the medical wing of the Tower, mostly because Robin insisted on running several blood tests, "just to rule out some possibilities for her recent behavior." 

Raven groaned. The four Titans around her jumped, and braced themselves for her confusion, and possible wrath. Abruptly, the dark Titan sat straight up in bed, violet eyes wide with fear and confusion, her arms moving into a fighting stance, dark energy engulfing her fists. Instinctually, the Titans shifted to fighting stances, not intending to fight, but their reaction was what they were trained for. Just as quickly they relaxed. However, Raven was confused an additional moment, before nausea swept over her like a tidal wave, and she felt herself give in to gravity, crashing with a soft _plop_ back into bed. One pale, delicate hand lifted and pinched the bridge of her nose, and her face scrunched up.

"You guys suck. What the hell did you do to me?" Upon realizing where she was, Raven felt safe, if nothing else. At least, as safe as any doom-bearing demon can feel. She put two and two together, figuring Cyborg's medical knowledge and Robin's suspicions had led to her sedation and return to the Tower. She'd been sedated before, and knew the feeling. Should have known she was found as soon as Beast Boy grabbed her. Raven cursed herself mentally.

Robin responded, while the others shifted uncomfortably. "A dosage of thiopental, injected." He hesitated, and scratched the back of his head with a gloved hand. She felt his nervousness, and his guilt. "Sorry Raven, I felt we had to get you here any way we could."

"Super." She decided to let the burden of conversation rest on the four heroes before her, and resolved to wait patiently through the ensuing awkward silence. Their emotions radiated off them: concern, worry, guilt, and was that fear? Even Starfire was subdued. Raven suppressed a sigh, chanting her characteristic mantra in her head.

"Friend Raven, why do you wish to leave us? Are we not your friends? Have we done something wrong? Oh please, tell us! Do not go!" Starfire emotionally burst forth with many of the questions the other Titans had.

Raven hesitated. What should she say? To tell the truth would be to potentially realize her worst fears of rejection. To hear them say she had lied to and betrayed them would be the sharpest knife in her heart. However, to come clean would be to potentially gain her best chance of defeating Trigon. But if they allied with her for this last battle, what would become of them? Could she bear to see them tortured, looked for specifically by the incarnation of pure evil, all to fight what she felt was a lost cause? If she left them now, perhaps Trigon would overlook them; maybe she could still find a way to save them from afar.

Or, she could betray them verbally. Really lie to them, in words and in silence. Claim she felt she didn't belong, their differences were irreconcilable; she left because she felt nothing for them. Would they believe her if she did? This path, she knew, would lead to the greatest hurt for Beast Boy. She felt closest to the changeling, and in order to convince herself and her father of her indifference, she would be forced to hurt him the most. Potentially the biggest threat of all, did she have the control to not only hurt them and keep a straight face, but to live the lie alone until her final day?

All this flew through Raven's mind in a moment, and at once, however painful for her; she knew what she must do.

* * *

_What happens! You know what? Your guess is as good as mine at this point. I think I know how I want the story to ultimately end, but how it gets there I'm not entirely sure of yet. Yay for pumping out a second chapter though. I love not studying for exams like I should be. And I know I try to play the independent, "I write because it's fun" author, but I do so love hearing from my readers about how to improve. hint hint Thanks for reading!_


	3. Words That Make You Aware

Yay for the next chapter! I've had most of this written for a while, but chapters involving dialogue take me a lot longer, because I suck at dialogue. But this one needed to be pretty heavy in it, and took a lot of revisions. I'm still debating exactly how long I want the story to be, and a lot of it's going to depend on how original I want to get with it. Woot on that one. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, and I hope to hear from you again for this chapter. Enjoy!

* * *

Lilith eyed the ebony-haired girl cautiously, searching her amethyst eyes for answers. Raven, or Rachel, as she had been announced, seemed tired, stressed, as if the weight of the world were pressing down on her shoulders. Not wanting to risk recognition in the daylight, Raven had dyed her hair black and donned street clothes. The disguise was successful, even managing to take the attention off her strange, piercing purple eyes.

Out of curiosity, Lilith attempted to pick the front of the girl's mind, only to find herself blocked. She stood behind her desk and with a small gesture of her right hand, indicated Raven should sit. Raven did so, gratefully. It was also Raven who broke the silence.

"It's been a while." The sentence was brief, true, and in Raven's usual style.

"It has. You've never seen my office before. What do you think?" Lilith leaned back in her chair, proud of the office she'd worked for years to attain. Raven knew little of Lilith's past, but empathically felt her pride in her achievement, and becoming the dean of the University of Jump City is something to be very proud of.

"Very nice. Comfortable." Raven appeared distracted, shifty. Lilith knew Raven was the type to hate having to ask for help, and couldn't think of another reason Raven would visit her during office hours.

"Something's up, Raven. What's wrong?" The question was genuine.

Raven shifted, suddenly uncomfortable. "I'd like to take classes here. But the application deadlines are past, and classes have started."

Lilith leaned back in her expensive computer chair, smiling warmly. "Not a problem. I'll personally have you placed in whatever classes you want. I doubt you'll have a problem catching up on the work."

"I really appreciate it, Lilith, but I'm also not sure how I'll be able to pay you."

The dean closed her eyes and waved her hand, dismissing the idea entirely. "No payment needed. You and the Titans protect the city, the least the city can do is help you with your education." Looking at the Titan, she noticed already a slight perk in Raven's posture. "We can make your school ID today, as soon as you leave here, and I'll send along some paperwork to the Tower—"

Amethyst eyes widened. "No! I mean, I have an apartment now."

"You moved out of the Tower?" Lilith was shocked. Raven nodded, eyes downcast. "Why?"

Raven thought, choosing her words carefully. "I felt it was time to try something on my own." The answer was vague, but gave the impression of containing more information than it really did. "Lilith, if you don't mind, can this be between us? While here, I want to be Rachel Roth. I don't want the Titans to know I'm here, and I definitely don't want to be the resident superhero on campus. I want to see what a normal life is like." Sometimes she was so good at deceiving others that she almost believed herself.

Lilith nodded in complete understanding. They had more in common than either of them had thought. "I completely understand. Trust me, it won't be a problem."

* * *

"I don't belong here. I never did. And it took me entirely too long to realize it." It hurt Raven to say, but not as much as it hurt her to see her friends' reactions. She wanted nothing more than to look away, to lower her eyes in shame and sorrow. But to do so would be an indication of the lie. Instead, she pushed as much strength behind her eyes as she could, forced them to conceal the pain in her heart with resolve. Moving stiffly, she sat up on her hospital bed, and dangled her feet off the edge.

"You do belong here, Rae. You're a part of this team. You're its founder." Cyborg tried to convince her. He had always felt like an older brother to the empath. Usually he felt like he had a general understanding of her disposition, but there were times when she surprised him. At this moment, he was confused, but mostly concerned. Could she genuinely believe what she was saying? "Most importantly, you're our friend." The other Titans nodded in agreement.

"No. I made a mistake. I left Azarath to find a place where I could belong. I was young and I was foolish. I realize now I will never belong. Not here, not anywhere. I'll always be too _creepy_." She injected a convincing amount of scorn into her voice for the last word. Beast Boy visibly flinched, and Raven's soul cried in protest. "That is why I must go."

"But Raven, we're your friends. Creepy or not, we still love you. We need you. You can't tell me that you feel nothing for this team." Beast Boy's voice was pleading.

Raven mentally steeled herself for this one. She stood up as she spoke, and turned her head to the side, staring passively, the corners of her mouth twisting in a bitter smile. "I don't have friends." She said it evenly, smoothly.

"How can you say that, Rae?" Cyborg's voice was soft, hurt.

"Because it's the truth."

"Congratulations on a great performance," Robin proclaimed. Raven's face changed into an expression of shock, thinking he had seen through her ruse. Before she could defend herself, he continued, angrily this time. Hurt. Betrayed. "You had all of us fooled. Here we were, thinking you cared about the Titans, and all this time you felt nothing for any of us. That's pretty _cold_, Raven." He spat.

_Here we go. Azar, give me strength. Help me bear this. Help me save them._

"You're pretty _gullible_, Robin." Her eyes narrowed, and she stood up slowly, squaring her shoulders. Even without the four eyes of Trigon, Raven was an intimidating character.

"Stop the holier-than-thou shit, Raven. We've put up with more than enough of that during your time here," Robin narrowed his eyes, and crossed his arms over his chest.

As she fell into the argument, her tone became more like her normal tone, but instead of a somewhat depressive, sarcastic undertone, it now wore bitterness. "Yes, _I'm_ the one who has a holier-than-thou complex, Robin. Remember that time you faced the Master of Games and everyone was disappearing, but you were so focused on being the best that you almost lost half your team?"

Beast Boy spoke quietly, his eyes downcast. His accusation was bolder than his stance. "There's one person you always thought you were better than, so much that you drove her to betray us." After he said it, he didn't know why he had. What he did know was that he had thought it for a long time.

The Titans' eyes widened in surprise. Raven was taken aback as the intensity and calmness of Beast Boy's accusation set in. Did he really believe this? Her empathic powers told her that he did; her heart broke. Maybe what she was doing wasn't such a bad thing after all.

Somewhere in her mind, Anger snickered and Timid cowered.

"Are you implying I alienated Terra so much that she turned to Slade?"

"I'm not implying anything. I'm stating fact. You hated Terra the moment we met her. You hated her because she was everything you could never be, and you were afraid she'd take your place on this team. You sabotaged her from the start." Beast Boy's voice was becoming passionate, but still maintained a quiet anger that was more frightening than if he had been yelling.

His jaw was set. His eyes remained downcast, and he leaned heavily against a counter. He looked tired. Raven refused to look in his direction. She could feel his sadness at his own memories of Terra, his own treatment of her, and his conflicting emotions of hurt and hope surrounding his recently voiced opinion. He was hurt that Raven had disliked Terra so much, and that he thought she was capable of alienating the geomancer. But he was hopeful that maybe he was wrong. She could feel him doubt his own words. Worst of all, she could feel him find some truth in it. The blow to her soul was almost physical, as his emotions began to hit her in more powerful waves.

Starfire was in shocked into silence; she had never seen such a strange display of hostility within the Tower, and it sobered even her usual happiness. Cyborg had resigned himself to a spectator's sport, wary now of Raven, but something about the whole thing was bothering him. Cyborg doubted the reality of what was happening. This wasn't the Raven he knew, who had put in the extra effort to find Sarasim in a history book, or helped him repair the T-Car.

"The fact that you think I would push someone to evil, Garfield Logan, shows that I was right." She used his name to make it more personal, for emphasis. "You are not my friend. I may not have feelings about anyone on this team, but I would never purposefully push someone to the edge Terra fell off of. I would never cause someone to turn to evil. I've spent my life fighting evil! I formed this team to fight evil." Raven growled defensively. For the sake of her ruse she would forfeit a certain amount of pride, but this was an accusation against which she felt she must defend herself.

Robin shifted slightly and looked Raven in the eye. "How can we believe anything you say? Our entire past is based on a lie. You lied about being our friend. You formed this team for selfish intentions. When you almost drove Dr. Light to insanity, Beast Boy asked me how we knew we could trust you--."

"At least now I know I was right—" They hadn't felt they could trust her, and what kind of friendship doesn't rest on trust?

"—and I said that you were our friend, and that was all we needed to know. You've made a liar out of me, Raven." His voice raised in anger. At this moment, Robin was most like a parent speaking to a child in which he was very disappointed.

Raven knew his weakness. "I am not a liar. I never pretended to be friendly with anyone on this team. And you've made a liar out of yourself on several occasions, Red X."

Robin's face twisted in shock, his eyes opening wide and his mouth forming an "O" before twisting into an angry snarl. He stepped forward as if to attack her physically. She remained standing, unflinching. "You BITCH!" He yelled, just as Starfire caught him mid-lunge and held him back. Starfire whispered to Robin, a silent plea not to be so angry with Friend Raven. He calmed, speaking with a voice dripping with venom. "You are a liar, Raven. I know why you formed the Titans. You lied to us right from the beginning."

The other Titans registered shock. However, by this point, it was getting hard to shock them. None of them could truly believe this was happening, the anger flying between them.

Raven's rose to her throat. _Oh dear Azar, what does he know?_ She felt like screaming in terror, her worst nightmares suddenly being realized. They knew. They'd known all along what she was meant to do, her heritage, the evil within her. What she was doing was pointless.

"Didn't think I knew about it, Raven? Batman is my mentor, not to mention a member of the Justice League. When I joined you, he told me about your rejection from the League by Zatanna. What did she say about you? Or were you just not good enough?"

Raven relaxed, but only slightly. He didn't know nearly as much as he thought he did or he would have mentioned her heritage directly at this point. Though his penultimate question made her nervous, she ignored it and replied, feigning indignation, "I was too young. But think what you wish." Her age had been a small part of it; the Justice League was for adults. The biggest part, of course, was Zatanna sensing her evil heritage.

Robin spoke sternly, yet thoughtfully. "I think there's more to it than that. I think you're hiding something. You've been hiding something since we met you—"

"That's what this is about, isn't it Rae? Why are you acting like this? Pushing us away? What are you hiding? Because this—this side of you—it doesn't fit. Tell us and we can help you. It doesn't have to be this way." Cyborg had finally found his window into the conversation, his way of trying to give Raven another way out of what she was doing. None of this felt right.

"There is no trust on this team, Cyborg. It was an illusion." Raven stood stoically now, facing her team, looking at each of them in turn, her face an expressionless mask. "And that is the reason I must go. Maybe if I'm lucky I can convert a few more 'innocents' to evil." Her last sentence was spoken bitterly. She turned her back to them and grabbed her cape to disappear. But before she could, Beast Boy spoke, again softly, but pointedly, his voice brimming with hurt and his eyes with tears.

"Terra was everything you could never be."

Raven threw a final look over her shoulder at him, and her eyes flickered with sadness and hurt for one brief moment. Only Cyborg noticed. Struggling to keep her voice level, she quoted: "'Think not that I am come to send peace on earth; I came not to send peace, but a sword.' Goodbye…"

With a sweep of her arm, she was enveloped by her cape, disappearing from the Tower.

* * *

"…friends." In her small apartment in the worst part of town, Raven hung her head and took deep breaths, trying desperately not to sob. Her heart felt like paper being run through a shredder over and over again until nothing was left. Even now, she could not cry, because crying could set her emotions free, in turn bringing Trigon into this world.

And at that moment she wouldn't have cared had it not been for her friends.

* * *

First, a couple things on the timeline I want to clear up. Raven has the dream, then leaves the Tower. She gets an apartment, but that's all, then goes walking through the park doing her thinking thing. The Titans nab her, and off to the Tower they go. It's after the Tower that Raven dyes her hair black and meets with Lilith at UJC. I wanted to clear that up, because I know the way I'm writing this is confusing and broken, but it's weird kind of element I thought would add to the storyline. Kind of like the broken fragments of her life, if you will. If you've got any questions or found plot inconsistencies, holla at me and I'll do my best to fix them. Otherwise, hope to hear from you in a review, or it will be just as long if not longer before my next update. Thanks! 


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